Again, I'm keeping a diary. This time the neighbours aren't just antisocial (can we have the last lot back!)
They're violent.
March 2012: I am in America, Lisa becomes ill 14 days into looking after the kids and with only two days remaining. One night the children are loud (because they're children)and the neighbours complain. Lisa tells the children to quieten down, and they do, slightly. The neighbours are back and are snotty, so Lisa tells them that the kids are just that, kids, and to stop harrasing them.
I get home from America, go to the neighbours and find out what has been happening, they imply Lisa was bad. I tell them of lisa's depression and how I thought that it was okay for me to be gone, and that she had full support from many family members. The neighbours were very melodramatic.
March 16th: George's Birthday.
We decide to have some family over for Georges birthday. Out of politeness, I go to the neighbours to say it may be louder than usual this afternoon due to the children having their friends over for the birthday party. The neighbours say "well, in light of the other week's events (ha!), we don't want anything to do with you or your family, you should be ashamed of yourselves and I don't want you near us. We will say hi to the children, but that's it." I told them I'm sorry that's how they feel, however they aren't right in all the assumptions and allegations they were throwing our way, but I recognize that that is their opinion, they're entitled to that opinion, we'll agree to disagree and I'll keep out of the way.
Last week of May.
Lisa is ill, and spends most of the week in bed. By Friday she wants some help so I call an ambulance and we go to hospital. We get some help and advice, head home and recouperate.
Sunday May 27th.
Come home after a day at the inlaws. Notice the neighbours are all at their front window watching us. Think it's odd, but carry on regardless. Upon entering our kitchen I notice that our back window have egg and tomatoes thrown upon them. The trajectory and landing spot implies it came from the neighbours side. I do not bring this up with the neighbours as I didn't think they were the sort to do such a thing, though I was aware that their daughter (early 50's) and grandson (chav, 25) were there, and could possibly do their parents bidding.
Sunday July 1st, 2 days later.
Lisa is well enough to make a trip to Blockbusters with me and our daughter (6) and boy (2) - we shall be picking up our eldest daughter (11) en-route home, she is staying at a friends. As I am sitting in the car, lisa is strapping our son into the car-seat and I can see in the front window that the neighbours daughter (early 50's)is once again at the window, only this time staring intensely. Lisa gets in the car and I say "I'm sure they're staring at us" and at that point, the daughter starts flicking the v's, and doing the universal hand signal that says 'c'mon then' (curling the fingers towards oneself). Lisa sticks the fingers up back, but I push her hand down as I drive off, then say I'm going to go and ask them what the problem is. We have done nothing untoward. We have never had a party, we keep the music down at nights and only have it loud for short periods in the day. Why are they being like this?
I get to the front door to be mobbed by our neighbours, Bill (70's, actual neighbour), Mary (70's, actual neighbour) Daugther and Grandson. They all launch into a verbal attack. "I don't like how you treat our parents" says daughter. Mary, the elderly actual neighbour barks "We don't like you, you bring the neighbourhood down, you are unfit parents and lisa is a disgrace. We want you gone" I say something along the lines (I was shocked) of "How dare you, we have been nothing but gracious towards you and I'm not having any of this" I STRONGLY BELIEVE that when being attacked, NEVER stoop to the attackers level. Remain polite and courteous, even when shaking through a combination of shock, adrenaline and anger. As I am saying this, the daughter runs up the driveway to Lisa who is in the car with the window down to hear what is being said, the daughter grabs two handfuls of Lisa's hair. Lisa SCREAMS "Get off", and the daughter smashes Lisa's head down onto the open pane of glass, just inches away from my 6 year old daughters terrified face.
I shout to a neighbour who lives opposite us and is cleaning his car "Have you seen this, Lisa is being attacked for no reason". He calls the police, unbeknownst to myself. I shout to Bill, Mary and the grandson "this is no adult sane way to react, I am calling the police" to which the grandson steps up towards me in a manner that suggests he may get physical, he suddenly retreats very slightly and says "You call the police and it'll be one of the worst decisions you ever make" to which I replied "I'm not having this, I'm calling the police, and you for one can come and watch me call them". As I'm saying this Lisa is still having hair yanked from her head, and tries to open the door. The daughter lets go and heads back to her mothers house. I call the police, then thank the other neighbour for at least being witness. He tells me they have caused trouble with him, the new shop that's opened with, the local hairdressers, and that they are bad news. He also tells me that he too had called the police.
The police come, say the good neighbours statement verifies everything we'd said, and the daughter next door had admitted everything and the ball was in our court. We have two options. 1: They can arrest them, but the police tell us that if we do that, it may make things worse because at the moment they've held their hands up and know that we can solve the problem here and now. If we plough forward with arrest, they would be back home within the hour and due to them being obviously bad, probably start attacking the house in a manner where the police can't prove it was the neighbours. Their plan B was to let them get a caution, and let it drop - but if anything at all happens, straight in touch with the police, they're arrested. We opt for that as to not show that we act on spite, and because we think that it'll stop a petty comeback. Ultimately, we have children in the house and want the peace for THEM. If it was just Lisa & I, it'd be 'Arrest away'.
We get a crime number, and calm down.
Tuesday July 3rd
Lisa is well enough to spend the day out. We take the kids to school, go to Ikea, go shopping, pick the kids up from school. I pull up on the drive and before I can even get one shopping bag out, Mary is at her window "Chris, could I have a quiet word?". I hesitate and assume that she's going to not apologize, but strengthen her claim to leave us alone and vice versa, now that the temperature has calmed somewhat. I agree to pop by.
I go down the drive, ring the bell, they come to the back door and invite me in, but I say, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to come in, we can chat here" "O.K" She agrees.
"Chris, the way Lisa spoke to our daughter on Sunday was despicable" Clearly she had no intention of letting anything settle, so I just said "you know what, I'm going" Mary and Bill started shouting at me about how we were a disgrace and that they'd phoned Social Services who are now 'involved', as Lisa & I are "Bad Parents". I respond with "Bad parents? I can hold my head up high and say that I am 100% proud of me AND Lisa as parents. Yes she's had problems, everybody does, but if you add up the amount of time those problems have been at the fore over our 10 years together, and add that to the amount of time that Lisa has been a sterling example of fantastic motherhood, it would work out at 4 weeks of not brilliant, 9 years and 11 months of fantastic. They said I was talking rubbish, and I have to admit, they got the V's from me as I walked away before blowing my lid. I tried very hard not to snap, and feel the V's is not really relevant as a snap, but am angry that I very nearly told them something stronger. I went into the house, regained composure and tried one last time.
I needn't have bothered, more of the same evil baseless accusations, more gloating about how unfit me and Lisa are, and again, more boasting of how she'd called the Social Services. "On what grounds?" I asked. "Because you're an unfit father for leaving the kids for 2 weeks for a holiday" is the response. "You left her with an unfit mother". Lisa is/was fit. The only thing Lisa didn't have was access to a car, and that's why Uncle Richard, Grandad Mick, Grandad Steve and Grandad Bill were all round daily (between them) to help out. BASELESS accusations. I told them that they were talking rubbish. Then Bill said "If we keep having this, I'll get 'him' to come'. I respond "Who's He?" Bill says "you know, the big fella who was here on Sunday" "Your grandson" I say. "So you're threatening me now then?" Bill then smiles and says "no". I say firmly. "I am not being intimidated, I do not want anything to do with you, mary or your family, and please keep yourselves out of my family life. If you persist with bothering me I will have you charged with harassment".
I went home, I called the police, they added everything to the file.
The daughter and grandson are back on Sunday, it's their day to visit. Hopefully that is it, but I have the horrible feeling that these people are not going to leave us alone. We will not be bullied or intimidated.
By the way, My parting shot before leaving the 'conversation' was "For all the talk of unfit parenting, I can hold my head up proud and say that no matter what the reasoning, I would NEVER teach my children that it is acceptable to attack another person in front of that persons child, REGARDLESS to what and who is right or wrong".
And then I walked away.
(we may move soon, nearer to new high school for our eldest daughter - surely we can't get bad neighbours thrice?)
