The South East Review!

Last week was holiday time. We loaded up the car and headed south. I somehow managed to forget to put the cap on the water tank in the engine to the crappy rover and drove five hours with no water. About 20 miles from Camber, smoke started to pour out of the engine, and the car started spluttering. Amazingly, we managed to get to our venue, Pontins, in one piece.

Upon arrival, we looked at our place of residence for the forthcoming week to be confronted with what I can only describe as a prisoner of war camp. I’ve done Butlins, and Haven, but this was something else. Decrepit buildings, tatty paintwork. And we hadn’t even seen our chalet yet.

I called the breakdown service who came and towed my car away for fixing, and hit the Chalet.
Mould. Mouldy curtains, dirty floor, and an overwhelming smell of damp. The kind of smell you get at the END of a camping holiday. Still, the kids didn’t notice, they were excited to be away, so we made the most of it and went to the Pontins ‘Fun Factory’ club. All that was missing from the fun factory was the ‘arbecht macht frei’ slogan over the gate.

The entertainment was dire. The kid’s characters had no qualities to them, and therefore the kids didn’t identify with the characters as they did at Haven and Butlins. During one kids show, performed by puppet rats, the rats bombarded the audience about how they only came to Pontins because it’s cheap, and that they all have asbo’s. This as well as jokes about Stephen Hawkings.

The adult entertainment was just as bad, like the worse singers of X-Factor, the Bluecoats decimated a whole range of ‘standards’ every night.

The amusement arcade games were a travesty, and three times in one night I had to seek assistance to get money that had been eaten by the machines. One time when asking for assistance, I told the assistance that the machine hadn’t dispensed the ticket’s I’d won for kirsty, only to be ‘Shrugged at’ whilst being told ‘We’re busy’. Pathetic. As I told them. Later on in the ‘Fun Factory’ I tried to get a drink, and was waiting for 20 minutes before giving in. It wasn’t that busy, yet the staff were completely inept at anything. After the Barney show the kids wanted to watch, which was on for half an hour, I took a look at the bar to see the same people who I was stood next to, still unserved!

That night I decided to get a bottle of pop from a vending machine rather than wait. It ate my £1.20. What a surprise. I asked a security guard where I could get my cash back to be told, from the Arcade. Not again!!
We added a few days to our holiday (as when not in camp we had a ball), and on the original day of check out, (2 days prior to our new check out day), we were bothered THREE times by staff trying to throw us out of our chalet. On the third time I stormed into the reception to complain. There were a couple in front of me checking in, going mad because their son had a disability that meant he couldn’t walk more than 10yards. They’d called head office before booking and were assured they’d be given a chalet near the amenities. On arrival they’d been placed at the furthest point away from the amenities. They argued and argued till they went blue but were not given a new chalet. The best Pontins had to offer was “You can hire a wheelchair from us”, not taking into consideration how offensive this remark could be on many levels. Disgraceful. There are loads (and I mean LOADS) more things I could mention and moan about, but I’m not going to mention the good times we had away from the holiday camp.

From the second day onwards, when we got the car back, we hit the sights of the southeast, taking advantage of the beautiful weather that we, and only we, had.

We did:

Rye:

Nice town, with a the ruins of Camber Castle and some great beautique shops.

Brighton:
Kirsty was a big fan of the beach railway. I took a look at the nudist beach, but it was full of men, and men only. I exited quick sharp!

Beachy Head:

Lisa and Elizabeth were not fans of the wind, but Kirsty was amazed, especially by the lighthouse, which I told her was from Fraggle Rock!

Dungeness:

I loved Dungeness. It’s how I feel Iceland would be like! Desolate, Barren, but Interesting. Kirsty and me went up the old lighthouse, and my legs hurt for two days afterwards! You can't go into the Nuclear Power Station no longer, due to the current political climate. I photographed the Rover there. When you see nice car adverts, they're always parked outside beautiful scenery such as beaches or chateaux's, so a Nuclear Power Station seemed apt for the Rover.

Hastings:

We initially didn’t like Hastings as it was like Cannock upon sea, full of Chavs and high street chain stores. We then discovered the Old Town, which reminded me of Amsterdam with its small streets and boutique shops. This was lots more fun. I took us all up the Cliff Railway, Elizabeth cried the whole way up, much to the chagrin of the French visitors (The floor was slippy, due to the spilt blood from where my heart bled for the poor French tourists!)

Battle:

We visited Battle Abby, site for the battle of 1066 between Richard the Conqueror and King Harold. I took an audio-tour round the whole battlefield, whereas the girls went the short route (due to the push-chair). Expected it to be dull, but was in fact one of the highlights of the holiday.

Finally, we visited Ashford to see a mate before doing some charity shopping!, and a good time was had by all, as you will see from the pics. Next time we go to the south-east, we’ll give Pontins a miss though!